17 Months

The boys are SUPER excited to meet their brother or sister.

These days we're just trying to pass time and keep ourselves busy. Dates and months fly past and at every one we can think back to conversations and memories of telling ourselves that we would be matched with our baby by now. "Oh we will for sure have our referral before Toby is done with preschool" (which is past now) or "For sure by your Canada trip" (long gone) or "Definitely before your girls trip" (nope), etc... These dates and little places in time are flying past and disappointments abounding. It's easier to not think about it, but almost everything in everyday goes back to it. 'Oh we can't do that because we need to save our money in case we do get our referral this week and get to fly to Ethiopia 6 weeks from now'. 'Well we can't use your vacation time in case we need it for traveling to meet our baby'(this is the second year now that we've had to do that). Watching everyone's lives moving on while we feel stuck, knowing we could just give up and get pregnant tomorrow and pop a baby out 9 months from now. I know all of those things will be distant memories as soon as we see his/her face, but right now it's what we are living in. We know it's going to be worth it, we know. BUT it doesn't take away from how sucky this wait is and how insanely ready we are. I know it will be just like labor and delivery, your mind glosses over how traumatic and painful it was because all you remember is how amazing your baby was after waiting those 9 months. So we're just holding onto that tiny shred of hope that maybe, just maybe all of this is really going to happen someday, and knowing it will be more than worth it.